Florida officials plan to do away with all vaccine mandates for children, and as a self-proclaimed health expert who has read many things on the internet, I couldn’t be happier.
For far too long, Americans have been forced to follow “proven medical science” and “basic public health policies” and “common sense.” But not anymore, at least not in the free state of Florida.
The state’s surgeon general, Dr. Joseph Ladapo, stood alongside Gov. Ron DeSantis recently and – inspired by Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who also reads things on the internet – said the plan is to do away with all rules that require children to be vaccinated.
Florida follows RFK Jr.’s anti-vax beliefs in doing away with vaccine rules
“Who am I to tell you what your child should put in their body?” said Ladapo, a vaccine critic whom I trust because a majority of the medical community thinks he’s a nut. “Your body is a gift from God.”
Amen to that. If God wanted us to have vaccines, He would have created scientists smart enough to develop them, test them, prove they are safe, then use them to save a staggering number of lives and … oops, scratch that. Sorry, that was Satan trying to sneak logic into my brain. OUT, SATAN! OUT!
Opinion: RFK Jr. defunds mRNA vaccine research. His anti-vax policies will kill people.
Florida officials show true courage by ignoring sound medical advice
Anyhoo, for far too long, Americans like me have had to stand back and watch as vaccines deny our children the chance to combat viruses and bacteria the natural way, either with firearms or in hand-to-microbe combat. This has led to soft and overly alive children, which is fundamentally un-American.
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis addresses an event in Melbourne on Aug. 11, 2025.
It’s clear DeSantis and Ladapo have the courage to change that, and as long as Florida lawmakers follow through, parents across the Sunshine State will be able to send their unvaccinated kids to school, safe in the knowledge the youngsters will have a chance to shoot or physically subdue any illnesses they help proliferate.
Did I mention all children will need to carry guns? The governor and surgeon general didn’t mention that part, but obviously, we’ll have to arm all Florida children so they can swiftly open fire on any airborne infectious diseases, thus protecting the state’s older population from infection. While other forms of physical combat would be appropriate – karate, fisticuffs, various wrestling moves – most of the studies I’ve read on websites that align with my scientific beliefs say a firearm is the most reliable way to defeat everything from COVID-19 to polio.
Take our poll: Florida looks to ban vaccine mandates. Do you agree? Are shots safe? Tell us. | Opinion Forum
Florida children will thrive if they have to regularly punch viruses
And what if Florida’s armed and unvaccinated children aren’t sure if any potentially deadly diseases are present? It’s simple. They just walk the halls of their school shouting: “SHOW YOURSELF, MEASLES!” By the laws of nature, the virus must respond, and then you blast it.
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Predictably, there are people who disagree with Florida’s “only the strong survive, maybe” approach to public health.
Democratic state Rep. Anna Eskamani wrote on social media: “This is a public health disaster in the making for the Sunshine State.”
If the price of freedom is an outbreak of infectious disease, so be it
Former Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius told CNN: “I can’t imagine what I would do if I were a parent in Florida thinking about sending my child to a school where you have no idea if there could be a measles outbreak or, God forbid, even polio will reappear. So, we are in uncharted territory.”
That’s right, you sheep. The uncharted territory is called “freedom.” And we need more bold leaders like Kennedy, DeSantis and Ladapo who are unafraid to stand up to people who know what they’re talking about and say, “Whatever, dude! We’d rather let our kid go full mixed-martial-arts on measles, mumps and rubella viruses than be told to administer a safe and effective ‘vaccine’ that has saved nearly 100 million lives. Natural selection can’t get us if we’re packing heat!”
I’m proud of Florida, which is why I’m selling “The Sunshine State: More guns, fewer vaccines!” T-shirts on the website where I promote unregistered supplements guaranteed to boost your mitochondrial vitality.
Stay healthy!
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk
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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Florida ends vaccine mandate. Kids, fight viruses with guns | Opinion
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