Bill Atkinson was a computing pioneer who, in the 1980s, effectively made Apple computers usable for everyday people by transforming code into windows, menus, and graphics.
But few people know that later in life he was a secret advocate of what’s widely considered the world’s most potent psychedelic: 5-MeO-DMT.
The hallucinogen, also called “the God molecule,” is a compound found in the venomous secretions of the Sonoran Desert toad named Incilius alvarius (it’s commonly called Bufo alvarius) and is known to bring about ego death, a total dissolution of the senses, and a euphoric feeling of existential connectedness, all in a roughly 20-minute trip. Atkinson, who died from pancreatic cancer on June 5 at the age of 74, was a member of a close-knit, private online community of 5-MeO-DMT enthusiasts called OneLight, where he went by the alias “Grace Within.”
Several of Atkinson’s friends and fellow psychonauts tell WIRED their “beloved” Atkinson played a key role in helping people access smaller doses of 5-MeO-DMT, which can be made synthetically, as he believed it would maximize the benefits of the potentially dangerous drug while minimizing harm. “The same creative mind who affected personal computers so profoundly continued to influence human evolution through his efforts to make the miracle of ‘bufo’ safer and more manageable,” says friend Charles Lindsay, an artist who has worked with the SETI Institute, which works to find signs of extraterrestrial intelligence. “He truly pushed boundaries. That requires a willingness to consider what might easily be deemed ridiculous.” Or, he adds, “risky.”
Many people have reported benefits to their mental health thanks to smoking 5-MeO-DMT, and biotech companies are preparing advanced trials to test the drug as a treatment for depression and addiction. Former heavyweight champion boxer Mike Tyson, longevity guru Bryan Johnson, and podcaster Joe Rogan have told of transcendent, life-changing experiences under the influence of the powerful drug.
But 5-MeO-DMT remains illegal in the US, and while underground options exist, people often go to legal centers and retreats in Mexico to take strong doses.
Atkinson took “many hundreds” of 5-MeO-DMT trips, according to friend Jamis MacNiven, the founder of popular Silicon Valley diner Buck’s of Woodside. “Nobody hit it harder than Bill,” he says.
The 5-MeO-DMT experience, with its daunting ego death awaiting within seconds of smoking the molecule, can be discombobulating, and a sometimes fraught period afterward can lead to serious destabilization and lasting trauma. Comedian Chelsea Handler had a “scary” trip, which she said left her “feeling as sick as I’ve ever felt.”
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